Flip the Checklist: What exactly do *you* bring to the table - in your search for love?
“Oh my goodness - he’s perfect!” she exclaims, thumb frozen to her screen. “He’s definitely the perfect guy for me - he’s literally everything I’ve ever wanted in a husband!!!”
Fingers shaking, she goes once more through his profile, a profile that shows he
✔️ Has an athletic lifestyle- and the biceps to match
✔️ Sports a full head of moussed hair,
✔️ Dresses like an unintentional GQ model
✔️ Invests in private companies (clearly has a fat bank account)
✔️ Runs his own orphanage (aww, look at him laughing with all the kiddies!)
✔️ Has a megawatt smile, oozes confidence, and is evidently the life of every party
a.k.a., a man desirable by all women
but turn the camera toward his ‘presumably future bride’ (who’s already picking out her dress) and what do we see?
A flabby figure, disheveled appearance, awkward manners, little to no savings, …. barely any physical evidence of self-discipline, or high standards.
This definitely doesn’t mean the person isn’t hardworking, doesn’t possess a lovely personality or isn’t a godly individual. It just means that they’re expecting an unreal situation - where the ones who ‘catch their eye’, would also ‘eye them as catches’ - despite them not living up to the same standards!
This begs the question - what has led SO many of us to have delusionally high (often superficial) demands of others, that curiously evaporate when it comes to ourselves?
👉🏻 Getting our checklist from the world 📝
Our lives are absolutely BURSTING with media. No longer do we live in small villages, with just a few ‘out-of-the ordinary’ attractive people in our line of sight. We now see them everywhere we turn, through the various tentacles of mass media.
From watching & fantasizing over romcoms, to being desensitized by the incredible number of *beautiful* individuals splashed all over social media, it’s easy to feel that we deserve these rare, apparently high-achieving individuals.
This is why “must be 6 ft, have blue eyes, take me out for 5-star dinners” features on our checklists (which honestly could be easily swapped for a non-Christian’s - with no noticeable difference).
But what direction does God provide in making a spouse-checklist? Let’s see:
Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. -Prov. 31:30 ESV
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? - 2 Cor. 6:14
Put not your trust in princes, in a son of man, in whom there is no salvation. - Psalms 146:3
Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.” - Luke 12:15
Clearly, as someone who has faith in Christ, the only real non-negotiables when it comes to marriage are not money or even looks, but being with someone who fears the Lord
Personal preferences aren’t non-negotiables - a tough pill to swallow for sure, but it’s the truth! In fact, their fluid nature shows how negotiable and secondary they are - what we say we’re not attracted to today can change with time & circumstances.
♥︎ Personal preferences aren’t non-negotiables ♥︎
Clinging blindly to a set list of physical and social “must-haves” can actually be preventing you from finding a love that could bless you in ways you’d never imagine possible.
👉🏻 Not keeping the spotlight trained on us 🔦
It’s a common fault - focusing so much on critiquing & evaluating others, we forget that we aren’t even our own ideals! It’s like yelling at Olympic athletes, from the comfort of our couches,
♥︎ We’d rather hope and wait for “perfect people” to drop into our lives and infuse our existence with their glory……than live out perfection in our own selves.♥︎
At the end of the day, this is a lazy cop-out - we have no right to demand things of people that we ourselves don’t deliver.
In what ways are you proving that you are worthy of whom you seek?
You’re attracted to someone who is lean, toned and self-disciplined - what are you doing to be physically trained?
You appreciate how sparklingly clean and fresh her appearance is - how strict are you with your own grooming regimen?
You feel you can only be with a man who is financially stable - how are you showing you’re a good manager of money?
You swoon if he is considerate and helpful - how thoughtful are you to the people in your life?
You want a wife who will forgive your past and won’t judge - would you also be willing to be the forgiver & non-judger?
And the biggest - you want to marry the one who will look past your exterior and value you for YOU, even if all your good looks were melted down in a fire, or blown away by a landmine……
…. are you really ready to do the same?
So if your current checklist has been causing you more depression than successful matches, try this little makeover:
👉🏻 relaxing the non-essentials,
👉🏻 refocusing on what really matters, and
👉🏻 representing your own standards.
and see if it doesn’t get you more optimistic and grounded, ready to receive the perfect person God has for you. ♡
Need some help clarifying your own matrimonial search? Try a complimentary consultation with our experts at MatrimonyStation - we’re always happy to chat!